How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize