there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
