so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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