She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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