one two three fourrrrnication!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
