he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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