2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
