apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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