Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
