In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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