you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
