I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
