i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
