Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
