I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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