I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
