WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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