This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is wine microwaveable?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
