i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
