Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
