Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
