so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
