You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
