Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We had sex on a dog bed..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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