she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
