how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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