So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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