How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
someone owes me an orgasm
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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