Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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