i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
false alarm, still single
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
