I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
