He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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