I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
