The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
