You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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