too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
