he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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