Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
