i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize