If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
