thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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