OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
