I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
