I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
