In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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