We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
