yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
did i just pee glitter
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
