She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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