I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
