I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
