I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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