the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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