he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
