i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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