I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
