I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
