i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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