I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
