I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
