She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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