I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
