Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
