Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
